In my journey of humanity, I had a beautiful time in my childhood in which I was deeply connected with Mother Nature. I benefited from being born in a favorable environment where my being could expand in its entirety and I could make use of my freedom and personal autonomy. I was able to recover these memories thanks to the healing and transformation with Ayahuasca.
Experiencing life was simply extraordinary. I felt invaded by mystery and amazed by my own existence. Every sound, vibration, shape, color, flora and fauna or any manifestation of Mother Nature filled me with plenitude and exquisite joy.
In parallel, I experienced human emotions; what caused a deep wound was the idea that others placed on me, regarding what it meant to be part of a family. My father left when I was 3 years old and I had few examples of fatherhood on my path. While I was unaware of my father’s abandonment, I didn’t suffer from the abandonment, but the idea of being an orphan appeared caused by the opinions of others about my father, which made me feel like an orphan.
As my perception of reality grew and a way of being was configured, that feeling of being an orphan grew, especially when I looked at other families and felt rejected, looked at with pity and being mistreated for not having my father. The biggest wound is not the one I had from his absence, but the one that was formed trying to hide my vulnerability so as not to be seen as an orphan, even though inside me that was exactly how I felt as an orphan, there arose for the first time my need to hide my feelings.
After years of searching, I achieved healing and transformation with ayahuasca; it showed me the truth, and I learned and understood that families are in constant transformation and that there is no certain way to be constituted, that the most important thing is to be able to share love and accept and embrace ourselves with our reality.
Through healing and transformation with ayahuasca, my life took a turn that marked the end of a time and way of living. It opened my eyes to be able to see the whole landscape. Before my encounter with Ayahuasca, I was identified with the internal character of the victim, and it’s not that there weren’t other characters and important and happy aspects in my life. There were. The problem was the tendency to cling to episodes of pain and strong emotions, almost like an addict, and the difference was in how I minimized moments of pleasure and well-being, because I had learned to respond from fear and using unconscious manipulation as a resource for myself and in front of others, believing that by maximizing the pain, others would pay attention and be more sensitive with me and would be careful not to hurt me.
Healing and transformation with Ayahuasca freed me from my own lies, finding almost like a surgeon the exact place where the first idea and need to exaggerate my pain arose and how that behavior led me to swallow my own lies, developing a hypersensitivity to external stimuli. I generated a dependence on the world around me, needing its approval to exist, and when I did not get it, I masked myself, put on a heavy armor and isolated myself and lived like that for some time projecting my pain on others…
Anger built up inside and like a volcano one day it erupted and the pain came out disproportionately, causing harm to others and making me feel guilty, because they were people I loved deeply; I returned to the refuge of the armor and isolated myself again and again, but one day I broke the cycle. I took Ayahuasca and healed by changing my point of view.
I was able to see that the warrior behind the armor were the belief structures that I had formed about myself and that on the other side I was accompanied by my duality that lived in parallel from autonomy and authenticity and that this other part of my being was always holding the hand of my armored part with love and patience waiting for its release.
Through healing and transformation with ayahuasca I returned to my totality, where I was able to understand that nothing is good or bad, that in this journey of humanity there is a universal principle by law of polarities, everything has within it light and darkness, in the same measure, no more and no less.
What was happening to me had to do with the place and the part of the story where I wanted to focus my attention, after understanding what I was doing, I was able to stop doing it and then I was able to remember all the love, all the light, all the magic, all the power and the gifts received simultaneously and integrate my polarities and stop living as a victim to be the Creator of my destiny.
Not because I want to create something, but because I am at total peace with the two forces that inhabit me and I am willing to accept what life wants to teach me.